July

1.  Wore the hot outfit.
2.  Worlds intentionally collide, that ended pretty well.
3.  Learned an important lesson about weddings:  always open bar.
4.  Brought home winston's successor: didn't take me long to warm up to him.
5.  Had a charming conversation about free sausage.
6.  Felt pretty important at the fun job, that was short-lived.
7.  Hung Liberace's underwear from the balcony at the orpheum.
8.  Held court in a park with my baby and Auntie Evy.

June was a looonnngggg time ago......

1.  I like pasta all the time, I particularly like it when friends come over and we order fancy pasta.
2.  Got some writing done (but I still have more to do)
3.  More yoga, more bff, more goodness.
4.  Got my eyes back after burning them out months back.
5.  Got a valuable wake-up call on being accountable to my commitments.
6.  Saw angels.  Everywhere.
7.  Had coffee with one of my favorite students, hope I helped her out......
8.  Cried my eyes out when the animals stopped talking (they did start again though).
9.  Regret, still, not wanting to face someone- so I missed out.  Remember this.
10.  Bought fabric, in a total rush (sneak peak into the future: it turned out great anyway)
11.  Saw the square dancers, good to be on the other side.
12.  Hung at the beach with one of my favorite ex-coworkers.  Summer days make me feel fine.
13.  Met with the reading group, told them what was happening in August, that was weird.
14.  Tried to become a sportsfan.
15.  Did self-defense training....eee...I know...me......
16.  Picked up my awesome custom made outfit for a party in......

And then there was May

1.  Tried to get back in the swing of things a little prematurely.
2.  Wrote my mind, a little late, but I think it was appreciated.
3.  Attended some good workshops for work (see previous entry).
4.  Hung out with some friends who do some rad organizing, made some rad plans.
5.  Renegotiated successfully, with great results.
6.  Tenderized my hamstrings, coffee and a nap followed.
7.  Did some solid work on a solid project, continued working on some great connections.
8.  Continued eating, pretty well.
9.  Was voted (back) up.
10.  Started organizing a solid group of solid folks working on solid stuff.
11.  Saw an amazing, thought-provoking film.... was a little awkward with the rest of the group.
12.  Wrapped up my last job with MLS, started working on a new one....... its a slow go.
13.  Called my baby cousin, not such a baby anymore......
14.  Dressed like I do everyday, and walked, with some of my favorite folks.
15.  Lost two hours of my life I'll never get back... probably going to lose two more this Monday.
16.  Found a great hobby to do with my baby.  Gonna need a new one soon though.
17.  Got super triggered at a staff meeting, still need to follow-up with that......
18.  Got my kids checked out, and they're doing great.
19.  Made one meeting, missed another one......
20.  Missed a deadline (at least one)- booo!

I really love it......

......when work (my 'fun' job especially, training usually) becomes an exercise in self-care.

Earlier this week, I did two workshops and unfortunately at the first one I don't think I learned too much I can 'use' but I did make some notes I want to put somewhere- like notes all over my house- but that's a little excessive and hey, what are blogs for?  (as if I know)

So, the facilitators were talking about how they direct conversation in a particular group and the following questions came up:

"what could have kept you away from group, and why did decide to come anyways?"
"what did you have to overcome to make it to group?"
"why did you come today?"

I think these might be helpful to keep on hand for down-energy points when I am so good at making all kinds of excuses to not do things.  ...hopefully 'making' me do them, which in turn helps to remedy the mood blah, blah, blah.

Strangely, or conversely, I'm pretty sure I may bail on something later today that I've been a little conflicted about.... and I feel pretty okay with that now, I've talked it out with my besties- sent the organizers a message waiting for a reply, etc etc.  In one of the other working training series I have participated in, the facilitator talked about self-worth and how one client of his came to 'you keep your commitments or you re-negotiate'.  I think I've re-negotiated- enough that it won't send me to the bad place in any case.  And I anticipate receiving one more piece of validation before the day is through.......

I also wrote down a comment from the Q and A:

"we don't have the confidence that we'll be listened to with respect"

That resonated too.

In other news, fab yoga class and hangs this morning- its pretty miserable outside, great day for a nest.

And then April......

1.  Put the awesome class to bed, I miss it and them.
2.  Chased the sun for a day, only to be eluded by it.
3.  Resolved 24 years of remorse/regret
4.  Went to a (history) conference, wasn't the odd one out on my panel- and we rocked it- yay cohesion!
5.  Went to Roller Derby- not my thing.
6.  Fell in love with the City of Trees all over again.
7.  Reconnected with a friend, who is famous and fabulous.
8.  A week seemed to pass in an hour.
9.  Got an extra day
10.  Was successfully talked back to in French more than English.
11.  Walked my feet off
12.  Fell in love a little with a romanticized version of the revolution
13.  Oh and polished off two killer book reviews while I was at it.
14.  Found my future curatorial job, in my dream hood.
15.  Was screwed in Paris- thrice.
16.  See March.
17.  oh!  ate the most vial thing, ever, ever....ugh.... so not okay....ugh.... it still haunts me....
18.  Crazyhorse, Paris, France.
19.  Sightseeing = climbing things.
20.  Sealed our fate.
21.  Charmed the snake librarians.
22.  Fought.  Didn't even care.

Remember March......I hope I do.......

I need to catch up on March, and April.... and talk about a workshop i went to yesterday- and think of 11 other things worth mentioning..... I'm sure I got something somewhere.... in the meantime- MARCH!

1.  Did a relatively awesome radio bit for IWD
2.  Finished interviews, for real this time......I think......
3.  Backed down from some action, but had a rad night with two great people.
4.  Cried a bit, missing the good ol days.
5.  Started learning how to eat...... its a work in progress......
6.  "Do I really want to die on this hill?"
7.  Reconnected with a great old friend.
8.  Started to thaw out.
9.  Survived 'survivor farm' and planned for the apocalypse.
10.  Had a first for the first time in a long time (and more since then...... but more about that later......)
11.  Helped a friend celebrate a big day
12.  Gave a pretty wicked talk for IWD (and two weeks)

More of the same from other months as well, teaching continued charming as did more regular hangouts- I'm pretty happy with this list given the 'not so fresh' memory......see you soon I'm sure.......

Ouch.

Okay, so I went on a trip a year ago (to give a talk)- and it was incredible.  It was an amazing experience.  And remains to be one (I keep telling myself that through the sting). 

So, as you may know, I teach a class and I was looking something up today re. my trip because I thought it might be interesting to talk about in class- it also remains to be so (see bracket above). 

On the website, I see the poster of the speaker who went up this year, so in a self-indulgent glory moment I decided to go look at my poster- and think about what a great time I had (). 

I'm not there (and we're talking years of thorough archiving and updating people)- the only record of me being there is on my school's website.  Ouch. 

I just tried to double check via the wayback machine, but it doesn't go back that recently.... not wayback enough I guess.....

So I should/could e-mail the place and be like "hey, did you guys decide to disassociate yourselves with me?" but a) I'm chicken b) my feelings are hurt and though it could be all for naught I think it actually is and I'm going to continue on as usual so this is just a tiny hiccup and c) may be there is a 'good reason'..... may be even one that doesn't deserve a '. 

Here's what I think it is: 
I had some pretty strong differing opinions than the director there, and I thought we had agreed to disagree/dialogue and still had a lot of good talks (I thought)- but it looks like I've been erased entirely, me and my disagreement were never there.  Its too bad, and unfortunately the second time in the past year that I've had a pretty good conversation with someone face to face about the ways we disagree, and then seen following up from it later denouncing that the coversation never happened.  I don't know what to do with that? 

I started writing this with the intent of keep on keepin' on.  I guess that'll do for now. 

Let's do that List thing again........

So February Happened:

1.  Did a photoshoot- got some cute headshots, wore the wrong pants........
2.  Heard an amazing story- it was four hours- my cheese fell off my cracker.
3.  Had a houseguest, was led to some ghosts,
4.  Got fitted for the dress.
5.  Got on the right path, only to take a good look up and see a long way ahead.
6.  No cavities.
7.  Less hair (1/2 inch......may be a 1/4)
8.  Met my cousin and hopefully not ward.
9.  Got a little festive.
10.  Worried about Grandma, but saw a lot of her.
11.  Went to bed South of the Border.
12.  Bought the rings...and the earrings...and the pendants...and the dresses...and the dolls...and the...
13.  Laid down, read, and got warm.  And wet.
14.  Met the Guanas.  Touched the Guanas.
15.  Swam in the Bay.  Thrice.  Got buried in the sand.  Brought home the rocks to prove it.
16.  Read two pages of a novel.  Made some notes on it.
17.  Met my friend's beautiful baby girl.  I have friends.  They have babies.
18.  Moderated.  Presented.  Oh, and wrote the paper in a day.......
19.  Had a grown-up dinner double-date.
20.  Birthday weekend, with bunny ears and the in-laws......have I written that before?  I like them.

So the sum total of January is......

May be I'll do this every month?  May be not!

1.  Did yoga with my rockstar BFF yoga instructor just less than a handful of times.
2.  Did all my interviews (may be?)- except 1- and they ruled, hanging out with awesome folk=studying.
3.  Got off the board... one board... the one I wanted off of....
4.  Hung out with some rad friends, not regularly enough- but that's what the coming months are for!
5.  Started teaching a new class, as of last week- its going great- let's stick with that.
6.  Networked with a super awesome prof from England.  Great connection.
7.  Changed my karaoke fail-safe to Britney.
8.  Hung out with another rad friend, who I've known all my life- who I'm so proud of.
9.  Did something I've been meaning to do for months, work related, that intimidated me (for no reason......)
10.  Got a gold card- not the credit kind, the I impressed someone super important in my life kind.
11.  I know the second half of point 10 cause his mother got in touch and said so.
12.  Left town, got a bunch of work done, made a friend with a cute nose, and caught up with his parents.
13.  Started Ballroom Dancing.
14.  Rocked a radio interview and had lunch after with two of my favourite rad/babes
15.  I'm sitting in on a pretty wicked class, that is undoubtedly making me a bigger/better person
16.  Had some great nights out on the town with my baby (some with cameo appearances)

Looks pretty good to me, I should mention though- I'm probably missing things AND it wasn't all sunshine and roses, I went through a super low energy patch this past week which is never... good... I think it was related to terrible diet.... or the fact that I worked through all the weekend before.... whatevs, c'est la vie!  

And I'm caught up.

P.S.  Meatloaf is going to be at the Boulevard Casino on March 18th.  Just so you know.

2 out of 3 aint bad?

The first Cd I bought with my own money was 'Bat out of Hell 2'- the first CD that was ever given to me was Holly Cole's 'Don't Smoke in Bed'.  (The title scandalized me).  I liked music- it felt like an investment!

I took my mother to the music store at the 'mall' (read: walking track for senior citizens) to buy me Michael Jackson's Bad- I think this must be marketing at work, or may be I found out about him from one of my cousins?  I had a short-lived crush.... we came home with the Jackson 5 on tape because she decided 'Bad' wasn't appropriate for me..... made no difference- I played that thing til it wore out.

Anyways, I later, much later, bought Bat Out of Hell because I felt like I 'had' to have it as part of my collection.  Right now, not listening to music- I really can't remember much of a tune.

2 out of 3..... isn't that kind of like 66%.... a C+ in my world.... hmmm, 'not bad'.

Okay, so Meatloaf and I have different standards.... good to know?

This May be One of Three......

...cause I'm behind- story of my life... and of yours probably....

Doing my undergrad, at the watering hole one night me and a guy I went to school with, who I still like, unlike most of the dudes in my undergrad... thought about 'international day of stopping'- we were going to spread the word, worldwide, and about 60 years from now everyone would stop doing what they didn't like doing.... I still think that in someways this could work- if I ignore the fact that some people might 'stop ignoring their urges to kill or whatever'.  Anyways.... I started telling that story to make some point about societal burnout.... but really, I don't know what I'm talking about....

So I'm behind in my blog- and its still the first month of 2011- I think the good news is that I've learned from this; the post I owe from two weeks ago isn't here because I psyched myself out thinking I should publish a photo.... who do I think I am?  Tom?  The creator of myspace?

Last week's blog post is missing because school is freaking busy already- I wish I was surprised but seriously- gotta protect your time Mary.....

I'm toying with my 'new month rezolution' as part of the epic list of new year's rezolutions..... I think its going to involve nightly lists of things to do..... I like lists, and control..... not news..... these are things I won't be stopping anytime soon.

If You Seek Amy

When I was a young teen, hanging out in the 'square'- we all went by street names.... I went through a few before settling on 'Cherry', the girl who I followed downtown who I thought was just the coolest.  thing. ever.  was named Peach- I liked aligning myself with her by taking on a fruit name.... once getting the 'Cherry' part down, I took on the full (street) name of 'Cherry Mary Muffin'- a doll around for two minutes in the early 90s.

So on New Year's Day- I peeled myself off the couch for a brief moment to walk to the store in search of pop and candy.  Mission accomplished.  Abs rolled with.  On our way home, we came face to face with a pug.  Abbey tried to eat it... which I don't condone necessarily... but this whole incident brought to my attention my major pug guilt.... I'm not into pugs, completely irrationally- I don't think I've ever had a pug interaction, but as a chihuahua owner, another breed often irrationally hated- I feel like I should be more open minded....

So Mary how was your NYE?

Rocky start.  Strong finish.

I've been to 560 twice now, that pretty much makes it my hang out......

We crawled into bed just before 6am- this makes me seem like a party animal......

Its actually a side effect of my super-hero lifestyle.... gender, sexuality and women's studies student by day support worker by night..... well six nights a month lately, one of them being December 30th so I was in nighthawk mode.

The whole new calendar is one of my favorite times of year, not the whole overpriced-bar-drinking-thing (though that had a happy ending last night, and great during btw), and, for whatever reason I feel really strongly about January 1rst.  I worked the 25th this year, and I wanted to, I've had my arm twisted to work the 26th in the past, and I wasn't even that much of a birthday monster this year.... but January 1rst.

I'm on one love seat, my darling is on the other, I'm in comfy pjs (with fluffy pink and white slippers fyi), he's all curled up in his blue house coat (though I've been known to borrow it...).  Three out of five kids hanging out.... really this is bliss.  Mmmm, pizza.

Really, I also like the resolution thing- that embarrasses me a little, but I really do- I like the reflection leading up- and I know its good for me as a person.  Then writing out the resolutions once in my journal and once in my agenda is a ritual I really enjoy, I didn't resolve or make a to do list last year... and I felt like I missed out a little.  I'm making up for it this time around boy oh boy, I have a triumphant list of 11 (plus two things to 'keep in mind') AND I've made a coded system to keep track of everything.  Really, this excites me.

Anysway, I keep telling myself I'm going to start a blog- may be, may be not, may be.... and you know, I don't want to think about it anymore, so here I am.